A Few Thoughts for the New Year

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. – Bill Vaughn

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. – P.J. O'Rourke

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution. – Jay Leno

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions. – Joey Adams

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle. – Eric Zorn

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. – Mark Twain

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. – W.H. Auden

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool. – F.M. Knowles

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bileless New Year and leave it at that. – Judith Crist